I never thought I would wish for pain. The pain of having your body literally torn apart is not one easily described and certainly not one that would be longed for. But here I am longing for the tearing, the cramping, the mind numbing agony. I gladly welcome the vomiting that comes from the pain of pushing your body to its absolute limit. Bring it on. Because that pain lasts a few hours but it will end the mental and physical pain that I’ve gone through the past 9 months. It will allow me to get my body back at least partially. It will allow me to feel like a person, even if just for a few moments. And that makes it worth it all. So bring it on.