Why is so hard to stand up? To break out? All I wanted was peace. I didn’t even know how bad it was, I buried myself. And when I recognized it, I still had faith that it could get better. All I’ve gotten is more pain. I feel as though I was living underground and as I’ve slowly climbed out, I’ve climbed out into a war zone with bomb after bomb being dropped on my head. I escaped what I recognize now was an emotionally abusive relationship and have been rewarded with immensely more abuse and blame. Condescension for trying to search for something better. As if I should have stayed buried.
How is it so hard to show the truth? He continues to twist the story and make me seem like an awful person who just wasn’t willing to try. He’s right, I wasn’t willing to try anymore. Because it was futile. Nothing I do makes any difference. I’ve tried being nice and cordial and have only gotten blame and hateful comments. He says he sacrificed his happiness for his family but I sacrificed my family for my happiness. And he has gotten his whole clan believing his story. He’ll say “I know I made mistakes, I just wish we could have worked it out together.” Except that I tried. For years. I wasn’t always quiet. I wasn’t always buried. It happened little by little over time. How is it that someone can be pushed to the breaking point and then punished for breaking? How is it fair that the victim is blamed for the abuse they’ve endured? How does any of that make sense? No wonder so many stay in terrible relationships. It is immensely harder to leave than to stay and endure. Just find a coping mechanism and ignore it. Certainly more socially acceptable that way. I’m just tired of being punished. Maybe someday people will see the truth.